Many couples turn to adoption

	Answers What: Orientation for people interested in adopting newborns. When: Dec. 5, 2000, and Jan. 22, 2001. Who: Sponsored by Milwaukee Archdiocese Catholic Charities' Adoption Related Services. Information: Phone Cheryl at 414-771-2881.

After several years of infertility treatments and the accompanying emotional trauma, many couples decide to adopt. Immediately, they face a confusing array of choices. Which adoption agency should they choose? Should they pursue "open" adoption (where the birth mother meets her child's adoptive parents) or "closed" (where the records are sealed)? Will they adopt an infant or an older child? A healthy baby or one with special needs? Should they pursue domestic or international adoption?

If they call Catholic Social Services (CSS) in Green Bay, they will learn that, although CSS itself no longer places children in adoptive homes, counselors there can direct them to other agencies to begin the process and help them find needed support.

Jane Koeferl, Clinical Services Supervisor, said the agency no longer works with adoptions, but focus groups being conducted now could change that.

CSS stopped making adoption placements in 1992, when its annual number of placements dropped below the five needed for a license.

"Our focus now is pregnancy counseling," Koerferl said. "We take a woman all the way through until she terminates her parental rights." The agency has a contract with the Archdiocese of Milwaukee to place infants from this area, she said.

Infant adoption

Cyndie Odya-Weis, Supervisor of Catholic Charities' Adoption Related Services for the Milwaukee area, said they offer a series of training sessions four times a year.

"At the first session," she said, "a birth parent talks about making a loving adoption plan. This speaker helps other young mothers acknowledge that they're not ready to be parents at this time. These young women really struggle with their decision."

An adoptive parent speaks at the second session, and the third features a foster parent, because each infant is placed in a specially licensed foster home until its adoption.

The agency does "open" adoptions where the birth parents meet the adoptive parents, Odya-Weis said. "In fact, they can choose their babies' new parents from portfolios those couples have made that tell about who they are. Those portfolios are sent to agencies around the state, and we update them frequently. Throughout the process our worker works closely with the counselor from the birth mother's area - Green Bay, for example. An attorney also gets involved to take care of legal matters, like petitioning the court to terminate the rights of the birth parents. And we work closely with the foster parents as well."

When an adoptive couple receives their baby, the birth mother or foster mother usually places the infant in the adopting mother's arms.

"It's really neat," Odya-Weis said. "Sometimes prayers and verses are read, and it's like a little ceremony. It varies. Usually we work with birth parents who release the baby in the hospital, but sometimes a young mom will call us after some time has passed and she's realized she can't give the child the care he needs."

Other options

Catholic Charities also assists in other types of adoption, including international adoptions, private adoptions, relative or stepparent adoption, and special-needs adoption through a contract with the State of Wisconsin.

"If a couple in our area [the Green Bay Diocese] wants to adopt a child, we suggest they contact agencies nearby that we consider reliable like Lutheran Social Services and Children's Service Society," Jane Koerferl said. "We do provide an Adoptive Search Program for people who've been adopted and are looking for their biological parents."

Adopting a Child

"Today adoption is widely accepted," said Melissa Gallagher of Lutheran Social Services (LSS). "It's changed a lot in the last 50 years. It's no longer hush-hush, nor is there a stigma associated with it. On the other hand, we live in a consumer-oriented society in which parents want and expect quality service. They think we'll find them the perfect child. But there is no perfect child, so it can be a struggle. At Lutheran Social Services our motivation is finding 'forever families' for children."

For each adopting couple, LSS requires five references: three personal references from people who have known the couple well for at least five years, a reference from a member of the clergy, and one from a family member. The family undergoes a state crime check and a social services check to make sure there have been no allegations of abuse or neglect. A home study follows, which complies with regulations established by the state.

"LSS is a Christian social service agency," Gallagher said, "and we are open to families from all Christian denominations. Our first criterion is that the couple is Christian. Because we are funded through the ELCA (Evangelical Lutheran Church in America), we do not do adoptions for couples of the same sex. But I've only had to decline a handful of families in the time I've worked here. I take my job seriously, and I'm pretty conservative when it comes to issues of children. Someday I'll have to face my God and take responsibility for my decisions."

Besides domestic adoptions, LSS also does foreign, grandparent, and stepparent adoptions.

International Adoptions

At Catholic Social Services, Koerferl does pregnancy counseling, plus psychological and marital stability assessment for couples applying to LSS's foreign adoption program.

"The whole experience of working with these couples is very joyful," Koerferl said. "International adoption fits so nicely into our society as its population becomes more diverse. It's a healthy fit for both the parents and the child. They've each been through so much, it fills needs on both sides."

Melissa Gallagher agrees. "I'm happy that Northeast Wisconsin is becoming more diverse and for the growing interest in foreign adoption. I've seen exciting things happen. For example, one woman had a dream about an Asian child who called her 'Mommy.' I believe God was planting a seed."

Lutheran Social Services has placed children from the Philippines since the mid-1980s and from two communities in Russia since 1996. Gallagher said Russian adoptions have slowed as that country screens the agencies they accredit.

"There was bribery going on," she continued, "so it's good that they're looking at the process carefully. We don't foresee any problems for LSS since we've been placing children for over 100 years. We're a nonprofit organization, and we pride ourselves in abiding by the laws and doing what's in the families' best interest."

LSS in Wisconsin also works with a sister agency-Holt International in Eugene, Ore., to place children from India, China, Hong Kong, Guatemala, and Rumania.

"Most families are looking for the youngest, healthiest children possible, and who can blame them?" Gallagher said. "But there are so many older children who also need families. Of course, there are language and attachment issues when the children are older, so it's important for families to have support. No matter which country they adopt from, parenting issues are similar."

Grandparent adoptions

Grandparent adoptions occur less frequently than other types, Gallagher said.

"A typical scenario might be a 17-year-old daughter who has a baby, then at some point leaves the child in the care of her own parents and takes off. They eventually decide to adopt the child as their own. It's not always the most optimal situation, because it raises issues such as who will they say is the birth mom? Yet where else will the child go?"

Other adoptions

"Perhaps there was an early pregnancy when both parents were pretty young, not in a committed, stable relationship, and they went their separate ways," Gallagher said. "Most often the child has remained with the birth mom, who eventually remarries. If the birth father is willing to terminate his parental rights - and often he does so, motivated by no longer having to pay child support - the new husband will adopt the child.

"There may be many reasons for stepparent adoption," Gallagher said. "As the newly married couple begins having children together, they want the other child to feel like part of the family unit, sharing the same last name. Or perhaps the step-dad is the only father figure the child has ever known, and it's the natural thing to do. Sometimes older children even request the adoption themselves."

Support available

LSS connects adoptive families through an informal "mentor program." Those who have completed their adoption are asked if they would like to mentor a family who is just beginning the process. Most agree to do so.

Other adoption support groups include OURS (in Green Bay), Fox Valley Friends in Adoption, FURA (Families for Ukrainian and Russian Adoptions), and some informal groups that were formed by families adopting from the same country.

"We provide as much support as possible, but much of it comes from the families themselves," Gallagher said. "Some couples connect with each other in our group education sessions. Most are dealing with fertility issues and find it's a great support system. They maintain contact long after the sessions are completed."

Every other year LSS holds an adoption festival, "Celebrate Children," so parents and children can gather to talk about their own adoption experiences. LSS has also started a "Forever Family Fund" that will eventually help families who can't afford the high cost of adoption.

"Adoption is a two-way street," she said. "It's beneficial for the child to be placed in a loving home, and this is an opportunity for parents who might not otherwise have a child. Adoptive parents are pretty special people."