Network/parishes offer healing and support

Bereavement Network Goals • To provide support to those active in bereavement ministry • To assist parishes interested in beginning bereavement ministry • To provide information about available resources, publications, training and conferences • To provide the most up-to-date information as possible about grief support groups in the area • To present grief/loss/bereavement topics at diocesan conferences • To work in collaboration with other groups in the area involved in bereavement work

Ten years ago the Bereavement Network was developed for all parishes in the Diocese of Green Bay, both those already involved in bereavement ministry and those interested in implementing it.

Network members gather quarterly to offer support, share resources, exchange information, participate in training opportunities and receive practical suggestions to assist them in their bereavement ministry.

St. Mary Parish, Menasha, is among 12 diocesan parishes represented in the Bereavement Network. Bereavement ministry at the parish evolved from its successful BeFriender Ministry program.

"BeFriender, our visitors program, had taken shape with 14 active BeFrienders," said Jim Catlin, program coordinator. "We thought we could do so much more, so we asked our pastor what the parish needed."

Fr. Robert Lussier, pastor at St. Mary, pointed to grief ministry as a top priority. A grief support group was developed at the parish last spring. The program focuses on outreach to families who lost a loved one to death.

"We go to every funeral and present a yellow rose to the family member," explained Joan Spielbauer, who is also active in the diocesan Bereavement Network. "We also give them a card with an inspirational verse on it. After a short period of time, three weeks, we contact them to let them know that we are here for them if they need us. We follow them for a whole year until the anniversary of the death."

If a surviving family member requests continued visits beyond the one-year mark, a BeFriender is set up for the person.

St. Mary's grief support ministry also serves the terminally ill. Members serve as Theda Care Hospice volunteers.

Spielbauer, a registered nurse, described walking with the terminally ill as one of her most rewarding experiences.

"It's hard to lose somebody," she said, "but I really enjoy helping the people and being there for them. Their families are going through a great deal emotionally. They may not be able to be there all the time, or the person may want someone other than a family member. It's nice that they can be with someone from the parish and don't have to rely on strangers."

The ministry helps bring the parish closer together, she added.

"You get to know people," she said. "It shows people that the parish cares. The priests have so much to do. If it was left solely up to the priest, he may not be able to visit everyone and people would feel lost and that nobody cared. We are there to be with these people and provide emotional support. At times people will say, 'Thank you very much, but we don't need you at this time.' We want to be available if they later decide they do need us."

A challenge for Catlin is keeping the grief support members busy at times when there are few funerals and parish members to serve.

"I'm very aware of the need to keep the volunteers active," he said. "The worst thing is when they don't have something to do. We have a very tight group. They are the types of people that need to be contributing. More and more I farm things out to keep them busy. For example, I have one person working on public relations. They are very dedicated."

"It's like a family," said Spielbauer.

Being a part of the diocesan Bereavement Network supports the mission of St. Mary's bereavement ministry, she added.

"I find myself energized and uplifted by so many people from the Network," she said. "I look forward to the meetings."

Sr. Angela Palm, OSF, coordinates Bereavement Ministry at Holy Trinity Parish in Oconto. She implemented materials from the Bereavement Network to offer group sessions for those who lost loved ones, but received only one response.

"I believe that country people take care of this in their own way by bringing food to the home or funeral dinners and follow up with their friends," she said. "For some reason they do not feel comfortable with sharing these kinds of feelings with a group."

The parish continues to offer grief support in other ways.

"I am just beginning to outline a process with a BeFriender who will help me and my other coordinator, Kathy Schroeder, with sending cards to the bereaved on special days, giving them a call, and/or visiting them," she said. "Fr. (Dave) Ruby and I send out special letters to families of the bereaved on Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter."

"We have an older community, so we have at least 50 funerals a year," she continued. "Lately, the month's average was two per week, so my future goal is to try to implement a bereavement group again."

A Bereavement Network manual is currently being put together to provide parishes with information and resources for parishes to develop a bereavement ministry program and ideas for implementation in existing programs. Information ranges from models for bereavement support groups to tips for caregivers.

For information on the Bereavement Network, contact Mary Sherman, diocesan consultant for social concerns at (920)437-7531, ext. 8300.