News

All their parents share in their children's lives

By Sarah Malcore
Compass Correspondent

Helping hand What: Birth Parent Support Group for birth parents of any age affected by adoption. Purpose: To help birth parents after an adoption. When: 6-8 p.m. Dec. 9, Room 39, Bona Hall, diocesan office complex, 1825 Riverside Dr., Green Bay. 2005 sessions: Feb. 10, April 14, June 9, Aug. 11, Oct. 13, Dec. 15. Sponsor: Catholic Charities of the Diocese of Green Bay with partial funding from the annual Bishop's Appeal. Background: Catholic Charities helps birth parents in an unplanned pregnancy make informed and healthy decisions for their child by providing them with encouragement, resources and information to make the best possible plan for their child through parenting or adoption. Information: Kelly Richardson or Jennifer Alf, (920)437-7531 or 1-877-500-3580, ext. 8234.

Several couples who are thankful for the gift of parenthood, the love between a parent and child and the joy of watching their children discover the world, expressed their gratitude this month at a National Adoption Month luncheon.

The luncheon for the adoptive parents, their children and birth mothers was sponsored by Catholic Charities of the Diocese of Green Bay, which receives partial funding for its adoption services through the annual Bishop's Appeal.

"To walk an adoptive family through the process of having their dream fulfilled in incredible," said Kelly Richardson, Catholic Charities Child welfare supervisor. Richardson and Jennifer Alf, Catholic Charities pregnancy counselor and child welfare specialist, have helped 13 couples realize their dreams of parenthood.

"They have dreamed of being parents and have dealt with heartbreak such as infertility, miscarriage and other losses, so to be able to help them with their dream is extremely rewarding," Richardson said.

Traditionally, adoption agencies kept adoptions closed, which meant the children could never find out who their birthparents were and birthparents could not find out what happened to the child.

But the Catholic Charities Domestic Infant Adoption Services works a different way. It is completely open and encourages birthmothers to maintain contact with the child. The level of involvement is up to the birthmother and the adoptive family.

"Not knowing your family history can be hard," Richardson said. "Especially when there are unanswered questions as the children get older."

Part of what makes the Catholic Charities adoption program different is the education and training adoptive families go through to help them learn why open adoption is important and why it is better for the child in the long run.

"It is very difficult at first for adoptive couples to accept the fact that the birthparent will be a part of the child's life," Richardson said. "The education helps adoptive families to understand why it is so important to include birth families in the child's life; it is such a positive for the child to have so many people who love him or her."

The education also helps dispel common myths about the typical birthmother.

"Too many people think that all birthmothers giving their child up for adoption are young, promiscuous and irresponsible," Richardson said. "This simply is not the case at all. The birthmothers are usually in the early to mid 20s and are extremely responsible because they are thinking about what is best for their child."

There are two sides to the adoption process - the birthmother and the adoptive family. While Richardson and Alf work for the same cause, their roles are different. Richardson focuses on the adoptive family and Alf works with the birthmothers.

"Working with the birthmothers can be very emotional," Alf said. "I usually meet the birthmother at about the sixth month of pregnancy or so. From there, we work on evaluating what it is she wants to do and what level of openness she wants to have. Some birthmothers want to be very involved with the child, attending birthday parties and other holiday events. Others prefer to keep a distance and just receive a photograph every few months."

All the adoptive families and birthmothers were invited to the luncheon Nov. 6. It was an opportunity for everyone to spend some time together and celebrate the love in their lives.

"Before we went through Catholic Charities, we were going though a commercial adoption agency," said Kevin and Debbie Janssen. "We felt like we were nothing more then a number and, after a few years, we still did not have any results. This program is like a family, we can talk to the other adoptive families and the children can grow up together. We feel a real sense of belonging and it has been a true blessing."

Birthmothers also attended the luncheon, spending time with the adoptive families.

"I enjoy having a relationship with his family," said Natasha Perkl, birthmother of Dominik. "I can see him any time I want to, I am always welcome to spend time with the family."

The feeling is mutual. "We really enjoy having Natasha be a part of Dominik's life. She and her family are part of Dominik's extended family," said Lynn and Rob Rivera, adoptive parents of Dominik. "Natasha and her family were at Dominik's baptism and we hope she and her family continue to play an active role in his life."

The smiles in the room were contagious, and one of the biggest smiles was from 20-month-old Macy as she played with the other children.

"We enjoy meetings like this, it is nice for our daughter to connect with other children," said Lynn and Andy Teska. "The change has been 180 degrees, but it has been the best change in our lives."

Even though Richardson and Alf are helping to bring much happiness to families in the diocese, they are reluctant to take the credit.

"We are merely facilitators here, doing God's work," they said. "These families were meant to be, and we are just carrying out God's plan, and it is a blessing to be involved in this way."