News

'Firm believer in guardian angels'

By Jaye Alderson
Compass Correspondent

OSHKOSH -- Serving in Iraq took major adjustments and a lot of prayers for Staff Sergeant Penny Kalous of Oshkosh. And coming home took just as many adjustments for the third grade teacher at St. Frances Cabrini Elementary School in Oshkosh.

"I had two rosaries I kept with me at all times and a St. Michael medal I never took off, even in the shower," Kalous said. "Everybody at school was praying. My family was praying. I'm a firm believer in guardian angels. I believe angels and prayer saved me from a lot. No one can tell me prayer doesn't help - not when you go over there and come back."

Kalous, an Army Reservist, was assistant squad leader for an engineering unit in Iraq from October 2004 to December 2005. The unit supported bases there by hooking up water tanks and doing electrical work and carpentry.

Kalous said it was especially difficult being away from her students, her husband, Mike, and her daughter Molly, now 5, who attends pre-kindergarten at Cabrini.

But the support of her school was immense, she said. One volunteer babysat Molly all summer. A fellow teacher secured her teaching materials. Many friends brought clothing they thought Molly could use.

"Obviously, they all sent prayers and letters and tons of care packages," Kalous said. "I was known for that and really appreciated the support of the school. Letters and packages to soldiers are huge. It doesn't matter what a letter says. It's something from home."

She received a lot of pictures from home and kept in touch with her family through e-mails and weekly phone calls. Such connections are important, she said.

"They could hear my voice and know I was OK, and I would know they were OK," Kalous said. "Molly knew who Mama was. Once in a while she'd ask me what I was doing in Iraq, but really she adjusted pretty well.

"There was an hour-and-a-half wait to get on the phone for 30 minutes. For the computer, it was the same thing. You had to get on a list and wait. Sometimes it was just a huge hassle to do that. Sometimes it was too much. The biggest thing over there was staying busy so you just didn't think about it."

It was so hot, Kalous said, "we didn't even hook up the hot water in the showers until October. Pallets of water bottles were everywhere. We would have salt stains on our face and t-shirts. You sweated everything you drank."

She also worked with Iraqis who had basic engineering skills, but used their hands instead of tools.

"They got an education seeing a female soldier in charge," Kalous said. "It's a very different culture." Even among Americans, she said, "it's very different in an engineer field as a female. You constantly have to prove yourself. There's still a stereotype."

Unit members worked out a lot, held two pig roasts, had access to a microwave and limited treats, such as chips and salsa occasionally - but rarely at the same time.

"You make the best of it," she said. "The people over there became your family. You're with them 24/7. You learn how to get along. I met some beautiful people and have lasting friendships. But it's sad. A lot of those people I'll never see again."

How the soldiers coped is mixed, Kalous said. "Everybody sees a different part of mission. The longer it goes on, the more of a strain it is on soldiers and their families. I missed teaching something awful - I missed the kids. And it's very, very difficult money-wise and having your spouse gone that long. I just count my blessings; things could always be worse."

For example, as her unit was joyously getting on the plane to leave Iraq, they looked to the left and saw another plane being loaded with the bodies of dead soldiers.

"Everybody was silent," she said. "Any time somebody didn't make it, we all felt it. It was very difficult. That's why we stayed busy all the time. I feel fortunate to have experienced and survived what I have."

Her adjustment to being back home continues months later, Kalous said.

"Everybody here had moved on," she said, "and losing a year with my family. It's a lot of catching up. You feel lost for quite a while. We're still working out little bugs, and you don't take anything for granted anymore."

All of Molly's artwork had been saved, and she wanted to show her mother everything, Kalous said. And Molly often asked her mother if she would have to return to Iraq. "She doesn't like being left alone, but she's adjusted pretty well."

It was hard to come from a third-world country to our culture where everything is so material, she said. "It's little things - deciding what to wear, being able to do my hair, wear makeup, decide what to eat. It was choices overload, a stimulation overload. There were so many choices you don't know where to start. You want to speed. You drive down the middle of the road. If I see an injustice, I get angrier faster. You kind of have a no-fear attitude to little things in life. Things that may have bothered you before don't matter now."

One thing that does bother her is the non-caring attitude some Americans show the soldiers.

"Americans are forgetting very easily the sacrifices that soldiers are making," Kalous said. "It's our sworn duty to go over there. It's hard in an airport when people look away or don't thank you. That's all a soldier needs. We appreciate any small gesture of thanks. We're not asking for a big parade but just appreciation for what we do."

And she has learned to appreciate what matters the most: "When you go home today after work, give your husband or wife a kiss and hug your kids. Life is short."