Marriage help

By Tony Staley
Compass Editor

Among the many questions we face as church is how best to assist married couples. What, for example, do married couples want or need from the church?

Some helpful suggestions have come from nearly 200 focus groups held in late 2005 and early 2006. More than 1,500 people in 64 dioceses and one eparchy (an Eastern Rite diocese) participated. The focus groups were sponsored by the U.S. bishops' Committee on Marriage and Family Life.

There were groups for newly-married, middle-year and older couples; Spanish-speaking couples; remarried couples; divorced and separated people and single young adults.

Here are some of the findings:

• Participants generally did not see their parish as a source of direct support for marriage, but many said taking part in parish ministries strengthened their marriage.

• Participants want more adult faith formation, small groups and support groups, retreats and days of reflection for married couples, mentoring, and resources and referrals for couples with marriage problems.

• Some couples strongly value natural family planning and others were open to learning more about it. Some said church teachings on sexuality in general, and contraception and natural family planning in particular, helped their marriage, but most saw these teachings as a challenge.

• Pastors should raise awareness about marriage, especially through preaching. Clergy and parish staff should be trained to better respond to couples in trouble.

• Couples said they appreciate church teaching that marriage is a "lifelong commitment."

• Some divorced participants said the annulment process brought them healing and closure. Others said they had not begun the process, sometimes because of incorrect information about what is involved. Some said they do not believe in annulments, and some were deterred because they heard it was a difficult and complicated process.

As the focus groups showed, marriage is important to couples and they would like more help from the church. Now it's up to married couples to work with their pastors and parish staffs in forming a meaningful response to their needs.