This saint knew the value of true friendship
Twelfth century monastic, British saint enjoyed people
By Tony Staley
Compass Editor
Some saints, often because of the severe physical penances they imposed on themselves, can be hard for us to relate to. Others seem more contemporary and like someone we would want to know.
Even though St. Aelred of Rievaulx lived nearly 900 years ago, he definitely seems like someone a modern person would like to know. Part of the reason is that he genuinely enjoyed people and was concerned with their welfare.
Aelred, also known as Ethelred, was born in Hexham, Northumbria, England, and was raised in the Scottish court. He was known as a kind and gentle man and was named master of the household of King David of Scotland.
When he was 24, Aelred stopped one day at the new Cistercian monastery in Rievaulx while on an errand to Yorkshire. He immediately sensed that it was where he belonged. The following day, he asked to become a member.
Seven years later, Aelred was named abbot of Revesby, a new Cistercian monastery in Lincolnshire.
Five years later, he was back in Rievaulx as abbot. Under his leadership the monastery became England's largest religious community with more than 600 members - 150 choir monks and 500 lay brothers.
In addition, he traveled throughout England and Scotland preaching and was considered a saint during his lifetime, as well as the Cistercian monk most like their greatest saint, Bernard of Clairvaux.
Aelred realized the importance of a supportive community and friendships if one was to have a true relationship with God. In his book, Spiritual Friendship, Aelred wrote:
"I call them more beasts than men who say life should be led so that they need not console anyone nor occasion distress or sorrow to anyone, who take no pleasure in the good of another, nor expect their failures to distress others, seeking to love no one and be loved by none" (translated by Sr. Mary Eugenia Laker, SSND, Cistercian Publications, 1977).
Aelred also spoke of the value of having a friend "who can shed tears with you in your worries, be happy with you when things go well, search out with you the answers to your problems, whom with the ties of charity you can lead into the depths of your heart."
As abbot, Aelred was known to be a firm, but fair, leader who in 20 years never expelled anyone from the community.
For the last 10 years of his life Aelred suffered from gout and kidney stones and often couldn't leave his cell in the infirmary. The monks would visit him, sit on his bed and ask for spiritual advice. Sometimes, 20-30 monks would be in his cell at once.
Sources: All Saints, Dictionary of Saints, Lives of the Saints and Voices of the Saints
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