Lent

Doing reconciliation family style

By Patti Christensen

	A Lenten series on Reconciliation

How many times does one need to be told, "Obey me!" or "Don't lie to me!"

Over and over in families across the U.S. these phrases are commonplace and represent the many opportunities for God to recreate us into more compassionate and loving human beings.

Each time we sin, we (thankfully) have a chance to admit we are wrong, to ask forgiveness, and to change our ways and hearts toward God and away from sin.

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It is not just children that need to know, understand and accept who they are and are called to be: beloved children of God. It is also parents and adults who struggle with these same issues. We never seem to get it right, no matter how old we are!

Wives and husbands often find themselves dealing with the same topics that cause conflict between them. Finances are the number one area of conflict between married couples and it is the cause for most divorces.

The issue of how we spend the money we have, and other conflicts in a relationship, go deep into who we are as people. Self absorption or being selfish is a common trait and struggle in our culture of individualism.

The question is usually, "How will this benefit me?" or "What can I get out of this situation?" The questions from a disciple of Christ should be "How will this benefit the common good of our family?" or "What would the most loving response be in this situation?"

Family life gets messy, as happened over Thanksgiving at my parent's home. Voices were raised and my mom became upset over an ignored but often repeated request. Past hurts and issues surfaced as often happens when they are not discussed but rather "stuffed" somewhere deep inside us. I never thought I would hear yelling between my mom and my adult siblings but I sure did! Reconciliation was tearfully accomplished.

We are called to be forgiving people. Many times a day we can find ourselves asking the forgiveness of others and God. We also need to forgive ourselves! Often, we are our harshest critic and we judge ourselves against society's values instead of God's values. We need to be kinder to ourselves. As we learn to be forgiving, we look at people with more compassion because we realize how often we fail.

Sin is a break in our relationship with God. There is no "yuckier feeling inside" (as my six-year-old nephew says) as when we are not in right relationship with God. This Lent let us explore within our families how we can learn more compassion, judge ourselves less, and be a forgiving family. Let our hearts turn more fully towards God!

(Christensen is the director of spirituality & evangelization for the Green Bay Diocese.)