School students coping with adult-size griefs

	S p e c i a l   S e c t i o n: Death and Dying
	Only in the Print Edition ... Articles found only in the special section of the Mar. 9, 2007 Compass print edition: • The Lord of life and of the dance of life     awaits us • Special days can hurt after death claims     loved one • New hospice will provide homes for 12     terminally ill • Prayer booklet remembers Alzheimer's     patients • Don't forget the ones left behind after     the funeral • Workshops and support groups help     the grieving • Estate planning takes more than a will • Church provides guidance on medical     power of attorney • Tips offered for what to say at a funeral • Subscribe to print edition

By Jaye Alderson
Compass Correspondent

Students at many schools and churches in the diocese have had to deal with the losses of close community members in recent months. While the initial shock of these deaths necessitated immediate action to help the students and staffs, the grieving process is ongoing.

St. Mary Magdalene parish in Waupaca lost its pastor, Fr. Roy Geenen, to an unexpected heart attack in January. He had been at the parish only seven months.

Whole parish in shock

"The whole parish was in shock," said Betty Manion, director of religious education. "He was a fine, wonderful person and had just celebrated his birthday. It's always so hard when people die suddenly. One minute the person is here, and the next they're not."

She said Fr. Geenen loved children, and they loved him in return.

"He was a bigger-than-life kind of guy," Manion said. "He was so fun-filled and playful. Children related to him well, and that made the loss even more difficult for them."

Manion worked for several summers at Camp Hope, a Wisconsin site for grieving children, so she knew how to approach St. Mary Magdalene's grieving children. Because Fr. Geenen was well-known for sporting a variety of hats, the parish's younger children each designed and made a hat in the priest's honor and attached a personal letter to him.

(The hat theme was also carried through at a memorial service at St. Patrick Parish in Menasha, where Fr. Geenen had served for more than 20 years before going to Waupaca.)

"To deal with grief, you need to say the things to the person you wished you'd had an opportunity to say before they died," Manion said.

All the students participated in a prayer service for Fr. Geenen, talked about the process of dying and asked questions.

"We answered their questions, both medical and spiritual," Manion said. "They had a lot of questions about heaven. Children get afraid they're going to die, too, and we assured them it's unlikely it will happen to their parents or their friends right now."

She said grief is an ongoing process, but they have been helped tremendously by the assistance of their retired pastor, Fr. Jim Vennix.

"It's kind of like Dad left and Grandpa came in to help us though this whole grieving thing," Manion said. "We're not alone."

At Lourdes High School in Oshkosh, the loss of Marissa Marx, 17, a junior from Oshkosh, and Alyssa Koelbl, 16, a sophomore from Montello, still is deeply felt.

The girls died Dec. 7 in a traffic accident on their way to school. Starting that day, the school offered counselors for the students, consolations from Sisters and priests from the Oshkosh area and various types of memorials to the girls.

"Counseling, to us, is sharing faith," Sr. Michelle Wronkowski, principal at Lourdes, said at the time. "It's prayer, trying to understand, trying to make sense out of something that is senseless."

Now, she said, the school continues to call the names of Marissa and Alyssa at assemblies, liturgies, morning prayer, Spirit Week and athletic events because they were both on the dance team.

"They're still a part of our Lourdes family," Sr. Michelle said.

She added that the school has counselors on hand if the students need them and relevant books have been purchased for the library, but many activities now are being initiated by the students.

Don't want to forget

"The students don't want to forget them. Some of the students ordered red and white rubber bracelets, and they say "AK MM Family Forever." A lot of the students and the community are wearing them."

She said students also have set up a corner in the chapel for the two girls where many of their friends leave letters, notes or pictures.

"What really helps is that during our liturgies, the priest really focuses on the healing process," Sr. Michelle said. "Through the Eucharist, we really find our journey of healing. The opportunity of having the Eucharist celebrated weekly helps us with that grieving process. You need to call it what it is - sadness, frustration, anger. You can't run from this. They need to hear it."

Students at St. John-Sacred Heart in Sherwood have faced the loss of Teresa Halbach, the photographer who was murdered in October 2005 and who served as a school volleyball coach, and the death this year of a second-grader.

Kerry Sievert, principal at the school, said counselors were brought in for the students on both occasions.

"They tell the students how they should deal with their feelings and that everybody handles different things in different ways," Sievert said. "All those feelings are OK. It gives each child the chance to talk if they want to and come to an understanding about their feelings.

"They also talked to the kids about how to approach and how to talk to siblings of the deceased - what do I say to a sister?"

Killed in action

The school community at St. Mary Central High School in Neenah lost 1999 graduate Jon St. John II, killed in action on Jan. 27 while serving in Baghdad.

Sue Thelen, the school's development director, said there was immediate reaction among faculty and alumni, who called offering help to establish a photo and plaque honoring St. John as well as a scholarship in his name.

"With a smaller school, the kids remain close, and the loss of any of our alumni is felt deeply by our entire school community," Thelen said. "There was a tremendous outpouring of support from our alumni community as an important part of our school community. When something like this happens, they jump in and give back."

She said current students, while not having an emotional connection to St. John, also felt the impact. Many are working to gather contributions for the scholarship fund. The photo and plaque will be unveiled at the school's Leadership Day in May.

A series of loss

At Chilton Area Catholic School, students have faced a devastating series of deaths in the past two years. In February 2005, a student lost a sibling to a car accident. Another accident victim was a cousin to some students and the coach of many others on an athletic team.

In May 2005, a student's brother, Spec. Kyle Hemauer, died while serving in Afghanistan. The school's principal, Mary Rechek, died in April last year; and the pastor, Fr. Greg Smith, died in December.

"All of them were a little different," said current principal Liz Rollmann, who had been a school counselor. "We spent time in prayer. We did guidance lessons about death and dying. A lot of the students learned how to show support to the families. We offered grief support groups through the guidance department."

In some of the cases, the students were most concerned about how the death would affect them. For instance, she said, when the principal died, students were concerned about who would now be principal.

Rollmann said they stressed comfort for the children.

"Being a Catholic school, we gather together in prayer," she said. "We told the kids (that) this is a time to pray for the family and if they get a lot of prayers, they can put them in a 'prayer bank.' It's our job to fill people's prayer banks - that's what I tell them."