Your Catholic Neighbor
Living the life God gave them
Couple takes on life's challenges together, with faith as their guide
By Tony Staley
Compass Correspondent
ALLOUEZ -- For Dale and Bev Johnson, "for better or worse, in sickness and in health" are not just a promise. They are reality - and they were when they wed nearly six years ago.
Dale is severely disabled from brain stem damage caused by a car accident in July 1973. It left him unconscious for three months in St. Vincent Hospital, Green Bay.
When the Allouez native and East High School graduate came to, his right side did not work, he could not speak because his palate was paralyzed and he'd lost part of his memory. After another one and one-half months he transferred to the University Hospital rehabilitation center in Madison for five months of treatment.
"I guess I was lucky. I never liked that word 'lucky.' Lucky for what? To be like this?" asked Dale, who nearly 25 years later limps haltingly, wears a bike helmet for head protection, is legally blind and relies on his guide dog, Toby, to get around.
Don't be deceived. Dale, who always has a gleam in his eye and a witty remark ready, is not a down person.
Months after getting out of University Hospital he was working at a service station, which he'd done since he was 16. He owned and operated his own self-service station, Dale's Easy Go
in Allouez, from 1976 to 1996, after he'd lost his vision. He then volunteered for a couple years at St. Vincent de Paul.
Bev, an emergency room medical records analyst at St. Vincent Hospital, met Dale in 2000 on a Koinonia in Luxemburg. Koinonia is a retreat experience based on the Paschal mystery of Jesus. Between then and their wedding day, they had a great deal to think about.
For Bev that meant realizing that Dale wanted more than a friend to share an occasional dinner.
"Just being around him, his fun-loving spirit and his kindness, I started falling in love with him," Bev said. "I had a very, very, very, very difficult time with that because I honestly didn't want to take care of him."
Bev was born and raised on a farm in Pilsen. After graduating from Kewaunee High School, she attended airline school and worked as a teletype operator for Eastern Airlines until getting married at age 20 and living on a farm in Casco. She and her husband of 22 and one-half years had two daughters and three sons before divorcing some 18 years ago.
The divorce was hard, she said, because as a Catholic she believed that marriage was forever. "But the circumstances were damaging my mental health and I had to leave," said Bev, who had the marriage annulled.
A counselor advised her to talk to Dale about her concerns.
"I thought, 'Talk to Dale about it? He can't help that he's handicapped. It's not his fault that he's that way,'" she said. Dale assured her that he could take care of himself.
Still, friends warned her that someday she might have to push him around in a wheelchair and asked if that was what she wanted.
"I struggled. I was angry with God," Bev said. "I said, 'What are you trying to do to me? I don't want to take care of him. I know I love him. What am I supposed to do with this?'"
Finally, Bev told Dale that she didn't know what to do. He replied: "'The Lord has given us life and let's live it,'" she said. "From that moment on I put my deep trust in God. And I said, 'If this relationship is to work, we need you there.'"
They became engaged at Christmas in 2000 and were married in St. Francis Xavier Cathedral, Green Bay, on April 20, 2002. Bev described walking down the aisle on the arm of her two sons (her other son died six years ago), as "being held on angels' wings. I was marrying the man I loved so dearly."
She still worries about Dale being injured in a fall. Plus, sometimes he breaks something and once he spilled a jar of beets on the carpet.
"I think that's another thing I've learned living with Dale," Bev said. "Us as people, how we treat one another, the compassion we have for one another, the forgiveness, that's what the Lord wants from us."
Bev said she helps Dale physically and he helps her emotionally. "We enjoy each other's company," she said. "We can laugh together."
Dale goes to Mass at a different church every day, followed by breakfast with friends and exercise at the YMCA. He's been going to daily Mass since 1995 when he broke his ribs and couldn't work out. He often uses the bus - the drivers help him cross busy streets - and sometimes he gets a ride from friends or walks.
Bev said she enjoys hearing about his daily doings because he peppers his stories with interesting details. When her voice indicates that she had a bad day, "he'll say, 'You didn't have a very good day today, did you? Tell me about it,'" Bev said.
"I really truly believe in my deepest heart that the Lord put us together for a reason and I see it unfolding every single day. He's a man of courage. I have never met anybody in my
lifetime that has as many trials as he does that takes it with such a grain of salt. He never complains. He's a very feisty human being," she said.
"I give him to the Lord each day and say 'Lord, he's yours. You know what kind of man he is. You know he's not going to sit in a chair.'" With that, Bev said, she tries not to worry and trusts that the Lord will again provide the guardian angels he needs.
Dale said Shirley Ruby, a walking partner, strong Catholic, daily Mass-goer and the mother of Fr. David Ruby, has helped him in his faith.
Bev, who sings in her parish choir, said she's been helped in her faith by Bible studies; prayer groups; friends John and Bernie Simon; and several priests, including Bishop Robert Morneau, Msgr. Roy Klister and Norbertine Fr. Al McBride.
She said her faith was rejuvenated by her struggles and questions after the deaths of her 29-year-old son, Michael, from a blood clot in his lung, and a grandson, Sean.
Sean died a week after he and his twin brother, Sawyer, were born prematurely. The boys weighed 16 and 20 ounces, respectively. Sawyer, who spent 109 days in the hospital, is about 15 months old.
"I'm glad I don't stay dormant. I'm glad I have a chance to grow in my faith with every sadness, with every trial, with every happiness," Bev said. "The Lord is so mighty and powerful, if we really knew how much he loves us and the power he has, I don't think we'd be able to handle it."
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