Love and marriage

By Sam Lucero
News and Information Manager

When Cupid draws his bow and arrow on Valentine's Day, he should be armed with a permit. It seems his aim has been off target lately. How else do we explain so many marriages ending in divorce?

The tale of Cupid is a fantasy, but the tragedy of divorce is not. While divorce has been around almost as long as marriage, splitting up soon after the exchange of vows is a growing problem.

A book published in 2002 by Random House, "Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony," offers a disturbing look at a new trend among newlywed Generation X-ers: the starter marriage.

Starter marriages are defined by author Pamela Paul as first marriages lasting five years or less and ending without children. In her book, Paul, a journalist and starter marriage "survivor," interviewed some 60 couples between the ages of 24 and 36.

Paul makes a brief comparison between starter marriages and starter homes. The difference between the starter marriage and the starter home, she says, "is that virtually nobody who enters a starter marriage thinks he's in it for the short term and will eventually upgrade to a better marriage."

What becomes painfully clear in Paul's book is that the couples she interviewed just weren't prepared for marriage and definitely not committed to making sacrifices to keep them going.

"I rushed to get married," states one 29-year-old divorcee. "My marriage was an unfortunate mistake, and it wasn't worth saving because we were not meant to be."

Preparing couples for marriage is one of the Catholic Church's most important ministries. Without healthy, happy couples, all other sacraments suffer greatly. That is why the U.S. bishops launched a multiyear National Pastoral Initiative for Marriage in 2005. The initiative highlights the meaning and value of married life for the church and society.

In addition to a high divorce rate, church leaders worry about a low marriage rate. In the past 30 years, the U.S. marriage rate has declined by more than 40 percent. In Boston, where the decline in marriages in the archdiocese has been 60 percent over the past 20 years, Cardinal Sean P. O'Malley declared that "the vocation of marriage is in crisis."

Other recent challenges to the traditional bond of marriage include same-sex marriage and cohabitation.

One part of the bishops' pastoral initiative for marriage is a Web site - www.foryourmarriage.org - that offers tips and articles aimed at promoting healthy marriages. It is an excellent resource for couples and parish ministers to explore.

Another resource offered by the Diocese of Green Bay is a marriage section on its Web site, www.gbdioc.org (just click on the "relationships" section at the top and you'll be directed to several informative pages, including married life, marriage resources and marriage preparation). Each Web page features articles, additional resources and lists of marriage retreats such as Marriage Encounter.

Tracking social trends, such as the starter marriage phenomenon, is a necessary task for church leaders if they want to help couples avoid split-ups. So, too, is evaluating current marriage preparation programs.

Pastors, lay ministers and parish members need to offer their support for these important outreach efforts, which seek to put a stop to starter marriages. Who knows? Maybe we've found a way to restore Cupid's expert marksmanship.