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Catholic Charities program offers suggestions to assist abuse victims

By Nancy Barthel
Compass Correspondent

GREEN BAY -- The "most dangerous time" for a person enduring domestic abuse and violence is when she decides to leave, says therapist Justine Koschkee of Catholic Charities.

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She's decided to take control and "that's going to make (her husband or boyfriend) mad," she said.

"We never tell the victim to leave because you don't know, it might be safer for the victim to stay," said Koschkee.

Instead, Catholic Charities' goal is to "give them the ability to leave," she said.

Those are the cold, hard realities of domestic violence.

"Manipulative" is the best way to describe domestic abusers and oftentimes the outside world views that person as very likeable. "The partners will tell you this, 'Everybody loves my husband,'" said Koschkee.

So while co-workers and friends are well-treated, the partner lives a life of fear and intimidation.

From branch offices throughout the diocese, Catholic Charities can put victims in touch with shelters and counseling services.

An informational pamphlet provided by Catholic Charities, "No One Deserves to Be Abused," offers a "personal safety plan for protection in dangerous/abusive relationships." It was originally developed with permission from the City of Cambridge, Mass.

Here are just a few of the suggestions:

• To increase safety during violent incidents, avoid rooms where objects can be used to hurt you. Practice beforehand several different ways to get out of the house. Teach children how to call the authorities for help. Ask neighbors to call if they hear suspicious noises. Keep car keys and public transportation fare in your purse.
  
  
• To increase your independence leave the relationship and seek shelter at a safe home. Talk to a trusted friend or family members about the abuse. Seek out ways to earn money and open your own bank account. Join a support group for abused women. Call for help and talk to someone about the abuse in your life. Get a restraining order against the abuser.
  
  
• To increase your children's well-being teach them to call 911 when they're in trouble. Teach children how to place a collect call in case your partner takes the children. Inform school/daycare/ babysitters about the situation. Give the school a copy of the restraining order. Remind children abuse is not their fault and get them into counseling.
  
  
• To increase your safety when leaving the relationship, obtain a restraining order and keep important legal documents like driver's license, children's birth certificates, your birth certification, social security cards, medical cards and financial items like checkbook and credit cards at hand. Be ready with whatever personal items you might need including a change of clothes for you and your children in order to leave at a moment's notice.