Your Catholic Neighbor
Faith, love go hand in hand
Couple's relationship sparked by attendance at church conferences
By Tony Staley
Compass Correspondent
ALLOUEZ -- Wayne and Jolene Wichlacz not only remember when they met, they celebrate it every year.
Wayne, a native of Two Rivers, had gone with a friend to the West Coast for Christmas break and was invited to a New Year's Eve party in Torrance, Calif.
"I didn't know that it was a Catholic young adults New Year's Eve party," Wayne said. "I only found that out afterwards."
"He came, but didn't know anybody. He was the only one no one knew," said Jolene, whose parish sponsored the party.
For them, New Year's Eve is a bigger date than their wedding anniversary. "We always celebrate on New Year's Eve. It's like a state of our marriage day," Jolene said.
At first they went to Catholic young adult offerings, including one the Los Angeles Archdiocese sponsored during their annual religious education congress.
"We would go to that and listen to talks on love," Jolene said. "We listened to all kinds of people. We were very into music then and we would go to all the music ones. That was kind of the basis of how we fell in love. We went on a parish renewal and the priest said, 'So are you two a couple?' And we said, 'No' and we started dating."
Eventually, they married - it will be 21 years in June - and settled in California, where Wayne was a computer programmer in McDonnell Douglas' flight test department. Their first two children, Stephanie, 17, and Alison, 15, were born in California. David, 13, and Michael, 11, were born in Green Bay, where the family moved 15 years ago when Wayne became the Green Bay
Packers' first IT director. He said he got the job by maintaining his college contacts in the UW-Green Bay computer department. Jolene is a substitute teacher and religious education coordinator for grades 7-10 at St. Matthew Parish in Allouez.
After they were married, Wayne and Jolene started teaching confirmation classes at their parish, St. Margaret Mary Alacoque, in Lomita, Calif. That was where they met Don Boyd, director of religious education and a mentor.
"He was a really great guy," Jolene said, "very amusing, very moderate to liberal. He helped us find our niche and guided us to wonderful authors and wonderful speakers. He was just hilarious and that's probably what we liked best about him."
"Sometimes," Wayne said, picking up Jolene's thought, "people can take religion too seriously and it almost becomes an idol. He said the reality of life is that we're all human and we struggle, we question. We do good things sometimes. Sometimes we make mistakes. He had the ability to bring you back to reality if you're getting too serious about yourself."
"He was a big picture guy," Jolene added. "He could see God in a much bigger way."
They also were guided by their pastor, Fr. Joseph Sartoris, who later served as an auxiliary bishop in Los Angeles. He was "a good influence," Wayne said, "very pastoral in his approach."
Their mentors in Green Bay include Dick and Sara Reichert, members with them in a theological book discussion group. Dick is a retired consultant in the Green Bay Diocese's Education Department and author of numerous religious education books. Sara is the retired pastoral associate at St. Matthew.
"We have very good examples in a lot of the married couples at St. Matthew. We're all not perfect, but we're all striving. We're all committed. Everyone is different. There are a lot of good role models there," Wayne said.
The Wichlaczs said they keep growing by reading and talking about books and engaging with others in the community. Women theologians, such as Benedictine Sr. Joan Chittister and Elizabeth Johnson, have broadened their perspective on what it means to be Catholic, they said.
They recall hearing Franciscan Fr. Richard Rohr speak at a young adult conference when they were first dating.
"It's interesting to see how people like him have matured and grown and how they've changed and matured in what they're saying over the years," Wayne said. "That's encouraging to me because our faith as a couple and as individuals isn't the same thing it was 20 years ago either."
Wayne and Jolene are members of separate men's and women's spirituality groups and serve as a marriage prep couple.
Five years ago they began leading Great Dates at Nativity Parish in Ashwaubenon after the founders, Tom and Theresa Rinkoski, moved to Florida. Great Dates' sessions begin with Wayne and Jolene reporting on a book or tape on ways to improve a marriage. They then send the couples on a date with some questions to answer afterwards.
Why do they do these things?
"If we're supposed to be sacrament - because that's what we're called to be - a sacrament can't be private. We've always felt called to share."
"At first when you share it becomes kind of like an ego thing," Wayne said, "but then ultimately you look at it from a different perspective, that all we can do is share our lives and plant seeds in people and God does the growing."
"Sometimes we say stuff that's, 'Wow, where did that come from?'" said Jolene. "Then you remember, Oh yeah, Holy Spirit."
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